Adventures In Running

I am not the type of person to hold my tongue when I have something to say, so let’s get right to the issue. While watching TV, parkour (also known as “free running”) was brought to my attention yet again. It is described as:

“Rational and efficient movement in both the natural and urban environments (over obstacles, etc). The main purpose of the discipline is to teach participants how to move through their environment by vaulting, rolling, running, climbing, and jumping.”

I have a numerous problems with this exercise in idiocy. To refer to this as free running is insulting to the entire running community. What do they mean by free? I can only assume that they mean free from using an ounce of common sense. What’s more is that this activity is neither “rational” OR “efficient”. If you are unaware of what I am speaking about, just follow this link on YouTube and you will be directed to countless videos of these mouth breathers running face first into walls and falling from rooftops trying to get from point A to point B.

Participants actually have the nerve to call this a sport. Maybe I am a traditionalist, but all these new “sports” do not qualify. They may barely pass the test in the broadest of definitions, but have no consistently clear rules or regulations and to get around this fact fans will use the term “free style”. Well then, I guess break dancing and rapping qualify as sports too. Don’t misunderstand me, many activities like this require some sort of skill you will never require in the real world, but let’s not confuse the issue by calling skateboarding, parkour and BASE jumping, sports.

In the new “blame someone else” culture in which we all reside, I can already see the lawsuits flying as these slack-jawed yo-yo’s try to obtain compensation for injuries sustained on someone’s property. Imagine the argument, “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, how can you expect my client to know better than to slam his face into a brick wall when he is clearly too dense to read the “No Trespassing” signs?”

And good luck explaining this to a doctor. Whatever you think of socialized medicine I am sure you can I agree, tax money should not go to fix some urban Einstein’s broken leg for the fifth time as he tries to explain how he was injured through his missing teeth. I never want to see someone get hurt but it is encouraging to see some of these people landing crotch first on pipe fences in the youtube videos. The gene pool will be a little cleaner from now on.